Free Advice

Try to save your marriage.

        Often, people ask me whether they have tried hard enough to save their marriage. I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor if you haven't yet. Fixing your marriage is far preferable to divorce: it is less costly, both emotionally and materially, for both you, your spouse, and your children. Staying in marriage also provides much more stability for your children than living with only one parent, so you should absolutely try to fix it if you can. Sometimes, though, it is impossible to save your marriage. You can only do your own part, and if your husband or wife is set on leaving you, there is nothing you can do. If you must resort to legal action, you need a strong advocate. A lawyer will help you create a plan of action to secure your future for you and your children.

Try something temporary.

        If you do not divorce, but just separate from your spouse, you will leave many issues unresolved.  If you have custody of children, you may find child support difficult to collect; if you do not have custody, you may find yourself facing a large claim for child support and college expenses, and alimony a few years later.  If you own a house or a business, you will face claims years from now for ‘their share’ of the value of that asset. And most people do not realize this, but your spouse can make a claim against your pension, years after the separation. A divorce will resolve these issues and bring closure to your battle. You will be able to move forward with your life, and be able to focus on rebuilding yourself.

Get an attorney only after all other options have failed.

        You should consult a lawyer if you are considering seeking a divorce. It is a long, painful process, which it is best to approach with a clear mind. A lawyer will help you make the best decisions possible for your life, which means taking a deep breath and putting aside your anger and frustration. A divorce is often the continuation of a fight begun many years before, and it is a fight that you can win. But you can only win it if you know the rules.